Last Friday’s spectacular BBC Children In Need appeal helped to reinforce the crucial role that charity plays in our society. But why so many famous names? As much as I delight in the spectacle of my favourite A-listers rattling their jewellery in front of the cameras like a bunch of Christian Aid workers with collection tins, what about the local communities and grassroots activists who, when it comes to helping the underprivileged, really are thinking outside the box, both at home and abroad?
One only need venture into the back yard of any of our less fortunate European neighbours to find a huge amount of positive work being done for the disadvantaged and downtrodden, albeit on a much smaller scale than in the UK. Take Poland, for instance, where only last week I led a group of policy makers from DUFFF and the Right Path Party on a whistle-stop fact-finding mission. Here’s my events logathon:
Day 1 Just before we begin our descent into Warsaw International Airport aboard a Hercules military transport plane, DUFFF Chairman Sir Alain Shipmount throws out a kitchen at an altitude of 20,000 feet. “Charity has to keep reinventing itself in order to keep up with the times,” opines Sir Alain. I’ve heard of food drops but this really is rebooting the mind expansion software.
Day 2 The next morning we visit the outskirts of the city where a staggering 88% of unemployed people are unemployed. Luckily Sir Alain, who once patented a flute, knows all about urban regeneration. And not surprisingly his solution to reinventing the social fabric bears all the hallmarks of the mind expansion approach. “The standard of living in Warsaw isn’t up to Western European standards,” admits Sir Alain, “but then people need to rethink the meaning of the concept of poverty in order to re-empower their FAGG domain.” But how exactly?
According to Sir Alain, Warsaw has a high proportion of homeless people: “They wander around the city like headless chickens high on a cocktail of kerosene and chlamydia. They smell like stray dogs. Which is why we at DUFFF recently got them on a 26km army assault course to help boost their self-esteem.” And the result? “Remarkably,” says Sir Alain, “only about 50% died.”
Day 3 Up early for our trip to Auschwitz where Gary Moore is due to play a two-hour guitar solo in aid of Polish orphans. As we pass though the imposing entrance of the former concentration camp to the sound of “Still Got the Blues” one cannot help but feel overwhelmed by it all. Clearly it’s difficult to express such dreadful horror in words. But if you can imagine the sound of a cat being spun around in a cement mixer then you’re pretty close.
Day 4 Today it’s all about the children. Unlike the telethons favoured by the big TV networks back in the UK, here in Poland charity is largely invisible to the viewing public. “It’s refreshingly small scale,” Sir Alain notes, who’s just signed a three year deal with Sky Sports for a new series called “Pole Dancers”, in which underage prostitutes are taking control of their lives through a combination of pole dancing and extortion. According to Sir Alain, equality is key. “Why should Bob Geldolf get all the perks?” I think I know what he means.
“The kids really enjoyed themselves,” beams Bobby the next morning from his hospital bed, where he’s being treated for second-degree burns. “Pyromania makes people feel happy.”
Thinking optimally, managing creatively, flushing out feeble excuses, with the able assistance of DUFFF, the Right Path Party is spreading the message far and wide.
(Originally published 19 November 2007)
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